For Fathers, Families and Friends 

By Robert G. Logan, M.D.*

A Time of Crisis

Postpartum depression threatens the mother's and father's health, marriage, friendships, and careers, as well as the baby's welfare. Dealing with issues of day-to-day living becomes a special challenge. With patience and understanding, you can given invaluable support and assist a depressed mother's recovery.

General suggestions

• Enlist the help of a psychiatrist trained in treating postpartum depression. Call PHA for a referral. A physician's evaluation is important and prescribed medication can be very helpful. There is medication that can be taken by a breastfeeding mother.
• Read either "This Isn't What I Expected" by Karen Kleiman, MSW and Valerie Raskin, MD (1994, Bantam) or "Postpartum Survival Guide" by Ann Dunnewold, PhD, and Diane Sanford, PhD (1994, New Harbinger Publications). Both of these titles are available from your local library or bookstore.
• Encourage the mother to join a support group. Social isolation often contributes to postpartum depression. Call PHA for information on support group meetings. Support groups are listed on our website: www.postpartumhealthalliance.org
• Frequently assure her that her illness is temporary and she will get well.

Fatigue

Mental and physical exhaustion are common symptoms of depression. These are often accompanied by an inability to concentrate and make decisions, loss of memory, decreased self esteem, and lack of interest in sex and activities that were formerly enjoyed.

How you can help

• Help the mother develop a schedule with one or two simple tasks.
• Assist in arranging childcare.
• Encourage activity, even though she may resist. You might suggest going out to dinner, watching a TV program or going for a walk together.
• Recognize that sometimes any activity may be very difficult or simply impossible.

Tension & Anxiety

The mother may not appear to be "depressed." Instead, she may express fear, panic, worry or even terror or exhibit physical symptoms such as chest tightness, neck pain or headache.

Encourage her to consider the following:

• Walking
• Swimming
• Physical therapy
• Massage
• Moist heat on the neck and shoulders
• Deep breathing exercises
• Exercise gym
• Relaxation cassette tapes

Insomnia

Even though the mother is exhausted, she may not be able to sleep.

Encourage at bedtime:

• Warm tub bath
• Snack or warm milk
• Hot water bottle on abdomen
• Ear plugs
• Avoiding excitement or exercise

Irritability & Distorted Thinking

The misery of depression or accompanying tension, fear and anxiety may cause the mother to become hypercritical and/or unreasonable. She may even resent your good intentions and attempts to help and encourage her. She may brighten up during a social event, then come home and collapse in utter misery, hostility and silence. A fragile nervous system is quickly depleted.

How you can help

• Don't take her criticism personally. You may need to assert reality as you see it, but don't argue at such difficult times.
• You are justified in being upset and frustrated with her attitude and actions, but be sure to direct your anger at the situation and her illness not at her. She is doing the best she can in her current physical and emotional condition.
• Support people often need help too. Talk with her doctor or a counselor. Recent research has shown that fathers can experience postpartum depression as well.

* This article was originally published by PEP, P.O. Box 6154, Santa Barbara, 93160, and is reprinted with permission.